Your motherboard isn't me, but what's better than this terrible rip on the Old Spice advertisement is a new motherboard.

This mini ITX NAS board with up to Intel Core 3 N355 has four 2.5 GbE LAN ports, 6 SATA connectors, and two M.2 2280 slots ...

The first 'Bartlett Lake' CPUs are now on the market, but they're not the P-Core-only designs we were promised.